Hansel was thinking, "Life is good" as he waited for the photographer to start shooting. He was sprawled on his surfboard letting the California sun play upon his perfect male model's skin. The photo shoot for next year's Hansel swimsuit calendar was nearly wrapped up. Time for a little fun in the sun.

Suddenly Hansel sat up and looked around. What was that sound? It was coming from the ocean. Hansel listened intently and heard it again. It was like a conch shell love song, and it was calling his name. He paused just long enough to wonder, "Have I been in the sun too long?" Hansel leapt to his feet, grabbing his board, and within seconds he was in the churning surf, seeking the source of his delight.

The photographer Max Von Snodgrass bellowed at his subject's sudden departure, "Hey, sweet cheeks! Where the hell do you think you're going?"

He muttered under his breath, "Why do I bother to put up with these prima donnas? I was better off doing the 365 Doggie Days of the Year calendar shoots."

Meanwhile, Hansel paddled among the waves, following the siren song. And then she was there before him. He should've known a woman would be at the bottom of it. She was wet and wild, blonde and beautiful, riding high on the waves. This was no ordinary beach bunny. This lady had some moves. Her board was an extension of herself as she performed spins and flips and handstands. Hansel had never seen a woman in such complete control. It was a total turn-on.

Hansel sprang to his feet and attempted to surf alongside the object of his desire. As he reached out his hand to her, he lost his balance and wiped out. Hansel was awash in confusion as he tried to hang onto his board. As he emerged from the waves he was trying to figure out a way to save face.

"I can tell her I meant to do that, right? Like, I was just trying ot get her attention."

And get her attention he did. As Hansel managed to beach himself, the surf goddess came running up to him. From his prone position Hansel liked the view. He looked up and shook his head to clear the water from his ears. The blonde knelt before him and cupped his chin in her hand. She lifted his face and looked into his eyes. His eyes looked back and his mind went all fuzzy - even fuzzier than usual, that is. He felt like he was high, but he sure hadn't been smoking anything.

"Are you ok?" she asked. "What were you trying to do out there?"

Hansel stood up to give her the full effect of his Hanselness. "Uh, I thought I saw a shark out there, and I was trying to warn you."

"Oh, well that was very brave of you. But you could've been eaten yourself. Did you think of that?"

Hansel pondered that for a moment. "Well, maybe it was in the back of my mind."

There was a second of awkward silence as they surveyed each other more thouroughly. The woman was the first to speak. "I'm Pillory Post, S.C.A.N.Q." (sounds like SKANK)

Hansel was taken aback. "You shouldn't call yourself names like that. I think you're a really classy chick."

Pillory realized his mistake and explained, "No, S.C.A.N.Q. stands for Surfing Champion And Neptune Queen."

As Hansel's golden locks began to dry in the sun, something occurred to Pillory. "I've seen you somewhere!" she exclaimed as the light went on in her head.

Hansel did a 180 degree turn and strutted away from her. Then, he pivoted and strutted back toward her.

Puzzled, Pillory said, "Uh, that's very nice."

"Doesn't it jog your memory?" Hansel asked eagerly.

Pillory shook her head. "Mmmm...no."

"I'm a top male model. Hansel's the name. I can't believe you didn't see me on the August 2002 cover of "Wet World" magazine."

"No, I must've missed that, but I'm on next month's cover," she beamed.

The pair were pleased that they had something in common.

Hansel smiled. "I can't wait to see the photo spread," he said. "You look really hot in your Goolagongs."

Pillory stifled a chuckle. "Are you referring to my Billabongs?" she gently corrected him.

Hansel's eyes widened for an instant, then he grinned sheepishly. "Well, now that you mention it, I had noticed those too."

Pillory suddenly remembered where she'd seen Hansel - a Duncan yo-yo tournament in Australia. She asked him, "Do you by any chance have a yo-yo?"

Hansel, rising to the challenge, whipped his yo-yo out of his silver surfer trunks. (And Pillory had been thinking that was part of the package). Hansel proceeded to execute some rapid-fire tricks, much to the delight of Pillory, who was ooh-ing and ahh-ing over his every move. His big finale was a show-stopping number in which the yo-yo ended up rocking back and forth in his mouth suspended from his two front teeth.

While Pillory jumped up and down with delight, Hansel realized that the string was stuck between his teeth. As he struggled in vain to free the yo-yo, Pillory moved in close to help. She gave it a good, hard yank and managed to extricate it from his mouth. She tossed the toy aside and continued to focus her attention on Hansel's mouth. She could feel his breath on her face as she asked him, "And what do you call that little trick?"

"Kiss My Oral." His reply sounded like a command.

Pillory whispered, "I don't mind if I do."

As Hansel and Pillory locked lips in an empassioned kiss, Hansel heard music playing. Was it just in his head, or could Pillory hear it too? It was an entire song!

The chorus went like this:

"She's so wet, wet like water / She's Neptune's daughter
She's so wet, wet like water / She's my angelfish,
and I'm so glad I caught her
La-la-la la-la
She's so wet, wet like water."

When their lips finally parted, Hansel was beside himself with excitement.

"Guess what, Pillory. I think I just wrote a song!" he proudly exclaimed. "I'm a songwriter, and it's all because of you."

Pillory just looked at him and smiled knowingly. "Don't mention it, Hansel."

Hansel draped his arm around her shoulders, and as they stood on the beach watching the waves roll in and out Hansel knew his life was about to change...big time.