"Hey, Vann, what's up?" I asked absent mindedly, gathering my things to leave as I spoke. He stayed where he was and I saw the smile on his face a few times when I looked up. "What?" I asked, smiling at him too.

He shook his head and snapped back to reality, "Nothing, are you ready?" It seemed like he was thinking, something far off had his attention, and I didn't want to interrupt him or anything… But I smiled and nodded as I threw my bag over my shoulder and grabbed my key from the counter.

"Let's go," I said. And with that, we were off.

As we drove, we chatted about little things, I was dying to know what his story was. Why he was out here, why he was boarding, not living in an actual house or apartment… was he traveling like me? I couldn't wait to ask him…would I even get the chance? I hoped.

We went to the Colonial, which I found out was closed for good since the police investigation would be continuing there, making it impossible to serve customers. The police, finding out that I worked there, had me in for questioning for a little bit there, nothing too formal. They knew that I'd left and had no idea about what was going on aside from hearing about his death on the evening news. So they just asked me what he was like in life, if anyone came in looking like they had a probem with him earlier that evening, or any night before, blah blah blah… It was all just "I don't know anything, I just started working here like a week ago, so I can't really help you," but they were very appreciative and only talked with me for an hour or so. Vann got a little impatient and sat outside in his truck, trying to find a radio station or something, I couldn't tell.

So when the police told me that they would be closing the diner, I just shrugged and told them that it was a shame but it was no big deal, since they offered to help me find a new job or something… I didn't care. All the better, I figured, and I could get a different job somewhere else in town. Two jobs in one town? I was slacking off and not thinking about moving again; I might even have to consider living there, unlike all the other places I'd stayed at. It just seemed strange, since I met Vann, these ideas were coming to me that I wouldn't even consider a few days ago.

Deciding to get some food somewhere, since Vann couldn't get his diner food the day before, we stopped at an IHOP and I finally got the chance to ask him all the questions I had. But he wasn't very giving with his answers. Every time I mentioned something about him, he clammed up and didn't want to continue. I know I wasn't prying, but I didn't want to upset him or anything, so I let it be. He seemed interested in me and my past, so I answered all the questions he had for me, but didn't seem to get anything back from him. It didn't bother me though, so we just went on about our day, wasting a few hours at IHOP.

I knew that I wanted him to come and hang out with me, not in public either. It would be kind of a test of myself. I had only been alone with another man once or twice; it usually never got to that point. But for some reason, I didn't even feel the anxiety thinking about it like I normally did. I to go back to my place, and he agreed, but said he could only stay a little while. So we decided to leave IHOP at about 4:30 or so and Vann followed me back to my motel.

When we got back to my room, I offered to pour some drinks but Vann said as soon as we walked in, "Hang on, stay right there, I have something for you," and ran back downstairs to his truck as I sat on the bed where he told me to wait. I had to smile at myself, this was quite exciting.

What could he have? He was already getting me gifts? I didn't even know him for a day… could he be for real? God, it was too good to be true. I began to think about my uncle and what he did to me again and got scared and anxious. Just like I usually did with guys, I started to imagine things wrong with him to make myself feel better for not wanting anything to happen… No… not now… this is too, too good; too right to be screwed up. Please, just realize… he's fine, he's a normal guy. There's nothing to be anxious about.

As soon as I came to that conclusion, he came back in the door and smiled, holding out a little bag filled with tissue paper. I smiled, unsure, up at his smiling face. He looked like a different person when he smiled, like it wasn't that familiar to him to be smiling lie that. Lie he was surprised himself that he could feel this way about another person.

"What? You didn't have to get me anything, come on…" I started to say.

He just smiled and replied, "I… just wanted to get you something… go ahead, open it!"

I laughed as he said that and sat down next to me excitedly. With him watching, I pulled out a lump of bright green tissue paper, laying it in my lap, realizing there was something in it. I looked back at him for reassurance and he nodded, "Go ahead," with a softer, more gentle smile.

I looked back down and unwrapped the paper to reveal what was inside. There were a few little pieces of fabric, it looked like, and as I picked one up, I realized: they were little ornaments for my tree.

"Oh, Vann, they're perfect…" I breathed as I lifted one up and dangled it from my finger on its red ribbon: a little man in a turban, decorated with sequins and beads, from his little hat all the way down to his tiny pointy slippers.

He smiled widely to himself and bounced a little on the bed in excitement, saying, "There's more, go on."

The next figure was of a woman with her flaxen hair wrapped with purple and yellow ribbons, complete with sequins and beads, dressed the same way as the man I had just pulled out. She wore a beautiful little dress made of different colored brocade fabric, little sashes of matching colors wrapped around her waist, and even little sticks poking out of their hair like I'd seen Chinese women wearing in postcards my father had sent from his business trips. I was amazed: he'd picked out little decorations to go on my tree for me.

"I saw them this morning in a little shop downtown and had to get them for you, this one here reminded me of you," he said as he reached into the paper and pulled out another woman with golden brown hair wrapped in pink ribbon wearing a green dress with pink and gold sequins around her waist. He dangled her from his finger and I looked at her, taking his hand along with the little woman into my hand and meeting his eyes beyond her.

"Vann, thank you…" I said, detached from my words. I was moving now, not even on my own accord. I was just going with my heart, going with what felt right. He looked into my eyes and I just couldn't do anything but go with my heart.

I laced my fingers through his and felt the warmth of his skin against mine as he looked down at the bed between us and slowly lowered our hands there, the little woman still resting between our palms. Now we both knew I wasn't smiling like that because of the gifts and he wasn't smiling because he was happy with my reaction.

He smiled downwards and spoke shyly, "I'm glad you like them…Jess…"

I lowered my head to meet his eyes with mine and said with a smile, "I love them, Vann, thank you. They're perfect…like you." I couldn't believe it, but I'd said it. And I was afraid of what he'd say back.

But he stopped smiling and looked back at me with complete seriousness and said, "I'm nowhere near perfect." And the mood was gone. I hated how he changed gears so rapidly like that: happy and sensitive one minute, then angry and distant the next.

I straightened up and replied, "Well, no one's perfect, but I meant that…" I tried to cover up what I'd said, trying desperately to fix it and get back the mood we just had.

But he looked deeply into my eyes and asked, "You know, you don't know me at all, how could you say that?"

I was shocked. He took it as an insult? "Vann, I didn't mean for it to offend you, it was a compliment, I mean… look at these gifts you got me, for no reason… That's very sweet, not many people would do that. That's all I meant by it."

He softened up again, relaxed his stiff posture that he took on when he got upset like that, but his face remained serious. "Jessica, there's things about me that you wouldn't like. And I know that, and you don't. I know that if you knew the truth about me, you would never want to see me again. The fact is, no one knows the truth about me, and it's just too dangerous. But since I met you last night, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and you make me want to change. I know it sounds stupid and immature to quote movies and stuff, but it's like that Jack Nicholson movie… you make me want to be a better person."

What? He was saying practically the same words that I would have said to him, if I had the nerve to say anything at ALL to him that was serious and meaningful…I was silent and stiff with amazement, and he didn't like that. He took it the wrong way again. "Dammit. I knew I shouldn't have said anything, I always do that…I can never be with someone normal…" he started to berate himself and I stopped him by squeezing his hand.

"Vann, it's not that at all. It's just that you took the words out of my mouth." I sighed and figured that he would be looking for an explanation, so I looked back up to his eyes and saw him as even more handsome than I'd thought. His eyes were soft, they were looking at me with a mix of love and relief, and it made his whole face seem like he was going to melt with happiness. I knew that if I didn't explain, I never would. "I have OCD, Vann. I was molested by a relative when I was a little girl and I've been like… afraid of men my whole life. It's just you, something about you, the way you are, you make me comfortable. And I can't imagine anything horrible in your past that could make you that terrible of a person," I said with a gentle smile, urging him to tell me about him.

"My God, that's horrible," he said, bringing his other hand to mine and stroking it. I felt shivers of warmth go up my arm and travel all around my body, he was just so electrified…Touches from him took my breath away.

"I've been in therapy for a few years now, and I'm on Zoloft, so it's an uphill battle, but I'm getting there. Just being with you, it's like I forget about all my anxiety and it's like I'm normal again," I said, then continued, "but again… what's your story?"

I should have known it was going to be more complicated than I thought.